how about a race report, mr.doucheymcdouchebag…

oh, all right.


CherryPie RoadieScumShenanigans

What are the impressions? First and foremost, the NorCal women’s racing scene this year is going to be f’ing hot. and i clearly put forth a pre-emptive strike of apologization for the many sexist lyrics that will let loose from lips, the luring looks, the lusty lovely images i’ll loiter with, internet-wise, after looting from other lands of e-.

but, that’s how it’s going to roll.

wasted_energy.jpgRightfully so, it was the PROMAN team that set fire early to the women’s elite event in Napa last weekend. First to suffer was the rock, the one you call “emergency” to, the captain, the firefighter Kristin Drumm. I’ve never really spoken much with either of the Drumm sisters … they seem like nice young ladies … but, when they look at me, i kind of get the feeling they’re both thinking, “man, he’d be sooo easy to carry out of a burning building…”

but i digress ~ Drumm beat a steady solo rhythm off the front for a few laps, but it was early in the race and most of the teams were happy to share accelerations up the hill and to test out the course in a safe, but fast fashion. I didn’t hear too much freaking out in the peloton (which is not what i can say about the 35+ field that i did earlier in the day …), and it seemed pretty smoothly fast for the first half of the race.

bam_and_bling.jpgSerious animators of the day that i saw were Kat Curi of Webcor, Felicia G of Aaron’s, that new recruit from PROMAN – Megan Guarnier, Cheerwine’s BigBadBamBerger, and Vanderkitten’s hatch and despot.

There were other animators, to be sure, and hopefully some more will ‘ching’ in my memory as the blahb’in continues on the subject. Curi looks phenomenal right now, by the way. Her musculature has changed, evolved. I wonder how long she’s been on the bike … honestly, she has the look of entering her 7th or 8th year. If you know the look I’m talking about, you’ll know what I’m talkin’ about. This development in her physiology is pretty inspiring to see … it gives a glimpse of what a lot of hard, hard work can do for you.

… though, i wouldn’t mind seeing her saddle just a few mm’s lower.

brawler.jpgMegan G of PROMAN looks young and fiery … a great addition to that squad. I hear she’s a transplant from a norEaster College of the SOmething’or Others … but, can’t be sure. At Cherry Pie, she showed she was absolutely fearless when it comes to attacking a big, powerful field. She has the look of a brawler on the bike … you know, just a low, powerful package … damn good type of rider to have on your squad in the US.

I’ve already mentioned about the improvements the veteran pro-Gomez is showing this year. But another true pro pedaler that looked very good was Sarah Bamberger. I haven’t heard what Cheerwine is doing for their squad this year, but Bamberger looks ready (like always) to strap up and do whatever it takes for their colors. She kind of reminds me of John Lieswyn.

off_line.jpgAnd then there’s the Vanderkitten women. Much like a $10 sale at one of Dave’s VK party-stands … Liz Hatch rides crits like they’re the last ones on the shelves. oi veh, that girl was soooo impatient. But, it’s a very good sign that she likes to ride aggressively and wants the race to be as hard as possible. That’s a VERY good sign for her future development … but, she’s definitely got some developing to do. hardwork!

And what about my 2nd favorite NorCal squad … The Federated MetroMinties of SanFranOakLands. This is a squad I love to watch race bikes. Let’s just say, the MetroMints remind me of a french cycling team, or maybe that garrison of young Gascons in Cyrano d’ Bergerac. yeah … like that.

i love that kind of shit.

– – –

In the men’s side of the action ~ i didn’t even want to start the damn elite race … but, Holloway called me out for being a swishy-bitch and forced me to do the race. Actually, I almost had an out for it by claiming i had no water and would need a gel to do the race. (yes, i’m free!)

and then f’ing Nolan hands me a fresh bottle and an energy gel from his shorts.

ew … but, you can’t but suck it up under those conditions … and so, the start was taken.

mariano.jpgOf course Lucas Euser and jacksonSTEWART are fit … one has done more miles in his ChipotlePoweredTrainingCamps (brought to you by jonVisualsVaughters and his prescription nerdware) than most of us will race all year long. And actionJackson was off doing Qatar last week, wasn’t he?

I was talking it up with Vince Gee during the break of his 45+ race, and he confirmed the hellish stories of how fast Qatar was this year. 57Kph, on the rivet, guttered and struggling for that wheel like it’s for survival … in the desert, forever.

oh god, gimme some of that!!!

anyway, a break got away early with 8 or 9 of the strongest teams represented. BMC had Jackson, LovelyLucas for SLIppedChipotleBurritos, DVigus for CalGiantStarberries, Easterling for SierraPacific, HardHennings for PacificBanks, and a Kelly’s Benefits and BPG rider … shoot, and one other i can’t remember {edit: “Mr. S. Rhea of the Metromint dot squad,” … thanks Merkeleys}.

They rode just perfectly off the front for most of the race. It was a nice leisurely 25-45 second gap the whole time … and most of us were slaphappy to be given the nice, smooth chase. Now, that’s not to say that there wasn’t 45 pounds of aggression at the front end of the pack as they chase ensued … oh, it was carnage i can tell you. That’s the really evil’ocity of Cherry Pie … it’s a race that BEGS you to attack it … you feel so fresh and fast. And you are!

But then, once you’re out there … fighting the winds and that horrible finishing grade … well, it wears down most riders, and ESPECIALLY most riders in February. But for those like me, who were quite content to let the do-gooders go up front and hammer themselves into oblivion … it was a fairly smooth and sane ride-along in the back. yippee for drafting!!!

Alas … with 2 laps to go and with a couple placings in the prize list to leer over (not to mention showing a bit of disco to the fans) … it became quite ugly in the pack as boys started shooting this way and that off the front … for 9th or 10th, or whatever. As we dinged up towards the final lap, we’d had a particularly nasty acceleration in the pack and there was just a wee let-up a few meters into the finishing hill. With only one lap to go, and with the fatigue in the pack, it really was a nice moment to launch out in front if you wanted to take a longer dig at a consolation prize. I saw a big Kelly’s rider begin to hit it from the right, so i swung left and punched my way out of orbit to see what would shake down, too.

On the right, the Kelly’s rider stomped on it real, real hard … and only Rodriguez followed him. I stayed left and was hitting it as much as i could, knowing that we still had a full lap to try and get away from a charging field. But, the Kelly’s rider kept sprinting and sprinting up the hill and by the time he hit the 180 with Freddie was on his wheel, i was a good 5 meters back. I just couldn’t keep his pace and still have any energy to do a final lap.

Well, apparently he didn’t either because after charging down the hill, he promptly sat up midway through the straightaway. I don’t know if there was anything irksome between him and Rodriguez, but they both sat up 500m into the lap. Now, I can’t say i was too disappointed because – by then i was already 20 meters behind and was just beginning to settle into what would have been a most horrific chase. I mean, we had a decent enough gap that you put your head down and go for it … but, if they set up … well, then i get to, too … yeah? i didn’t even want to start the damn race, after all!!!

Anyway, Jackson won the sprint out of the break with some style and i’m happy to see him winning this early in the year. Lucas is a superstar and I can’t wait to see what he’ll pull out in the grand tours of america again this year.
– – – – –

ok, sweet haysoos, i’ve got to get some work done…


9 Responses

  1. The eigth in the break was Mr. S. Rhea of the Metromint dot squad.

    That boy was doing us proud!

  2. oh, hell yeah. thanks, Mike.

  3. I think the Ollalieberry Crit was better

  4. Serious horsepower out there. It’s going to be one hell of a year…

  5. I’m not one to revel in other’s misery, but I thought you’d post a pick of the dude putting ’em up one lap early:

  6. One of those big engines in the break was a junior.

  7. dude…megan kicked some serious butt. and the weekend before she got run over by a car. not hit…not knocked down…RUN OVER (both legs) by a frickin’ honda civic. whoa…

  8. Hey, thanks for the shout out. My sister and I are often confused for one another on the bike. Off the bike, Helene’s the firefighter and I’m the bureaucratic city planner. Oh yeah, I’m pretty sure either one of us could easily toss your metrosexual self over a shoulder and carry you out of a burning building……

  9. i think i’m in love…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: